Tuesday, February 25, 2020
Saturday, February 22, 2020
Updates
Monday, Feb. 17, 2020
Last Friday I had my very first Physical Therapy session. I was initially scheduled to start last Wednesday, but they accidentally scheduled me at the wrong location. Anyway, my first appointment went really well. My right hip was partially dislocated and my therapist was able to pop it back in place. It was the WORST sound ever! I felt intense pressure but when the actual “pop” occurred it was the BEST feeling! She was also able to work on a HUGE knot in my back. The, nearly two hour, appointment went really well. I will be continuing Physical Therapy, twice a week, for the next two months.
Today I was FINALLY able to upload/update my insulin pump with the newest technology, Control IQ. It works directly with my Dexcom G6 and just like a normal pancreas, it adjusts my insulin according to what my blood sugar is doing. If my sugars are rising to anything above 160, Control IQ will increase my insulin, if my blood sugars indicate I will be dropping below 80, it will decrease my insulin or stop it completely until it is back in a normal range. You can read more about this new technology at www.tandemdiabetes.com
Saturday, Feb. 22, 2020
This week has been a roller coaster of emotions. Our oldest, Landon, has been struggling with his emotions and how to deal with them. He doesn’t know how to handle his various emotions and feelings, especially ones that involve anger and frustration, therefore, he lashes out verbally and goes into a full blown rage and panic attack. Wednesday, he ended up in the ER for a psych evaluation after he verbally threatened to harm himself. This was an eye opening and scary experience for him (and his loved ones). I think it finally sunk in that the things he says really do have consequences, and those “empty” threats, that he so easily unleashes, are not as “empty” and “innocent” as he once believed them to be.
The stress from dealing with an emotionally distraught, frustrated and rage filled 13 year old ended up taking quite the toll on my body and mind. I was completely drained of any energy and motivation, my entire body ached, my stomach was constantly nauseous and my mind was in a constant state of worry, and depression. Luckily, we had a wonderful social worker who recommended and set up an appointment for Landon with a psychologist that he will see on March 5th and we were able to come up with a solid plan to help him, and us, get through this difficult stage. I cannot thank my parents and the staff at Landon’s school enough for continuing to show Landon (and his parents) their support and love, especially during these trying times when it would be easier to just turn a blind eye.
My Control IQ technology was definitely put to the test this past week and passed with flying colors. Even on the high stress days, my blood sugars never went above 200 and I only had one low blood sugar event! I guarantee that without Control IQ I would’ve been in the 200-400 range for most of the week, just due to stress alone. Although I missed one of my Physical Therapy appointments on Wednesday, I will be seeing them again Tuesday and Friday. It seems like PT is still having a positive effect on my back and hip pain, so I look forward to my future appointments and am hopeful the pain and aches continue to lessen.
Hold on to Hope and keep Dreaming of a better tomorrow!
All my Love and Hope,
Sarah aka Hopeful Dreamer
Friday, February 7, 2020
Friday, February 7, 2020
This week was difficult for various reasons. 1st my G6 transmitter (Continuous Glucose Monitoring System transmitter) died last weekend and of course my prescription for my CGM supplies expired last month so I’m “patiently” waiting for my medical supplier to reach my Endocrinologist to renew my prescriptions for the CGM supplies, AND insulin pump supplies. Sounds like it should be shipped out by Tuesday, but going nearly 2 weeks without it is definitely NOT ideal.
Another reason my week was difficult was due to my oldest son’s attitude towards me. He has various psychological/behavioral issues (ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Tourette’s and IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder)) but his angry outbursts and tantrums have ALWAYS been directed towards me, and the older he gets, the nastier his verbal abuse becomes. The beginning of the week was the worst. Every single evening and a couple mornings, he managed to drain me of ALL emotion, which in my opinion, is a worse feeling than being outright angry or sad. I was left a complete zombie. A shell of myself. I had no fight left in me and once again felt myself at a complete and utter loss over how my own son could call me such horrible names, and use words that NO mom should EVER hear directed at them from their own child. I’m always left feeling ashamed, feeling like I failed and feeling so completely alone. It’s hard asking for any advice or help from friends or family because, for the most part, they have NEVER witnessed this side of my child and there's no way any of them can relate or give advice on something like this. I’m ashamed and feel sick to my stomach to even repeat the things he says to me. It’s always a verbal outburst, with a slew of verbal threats that have NEVER been followed through. He doesn’t understand that the words he says really do hurt people and that the words and threats he so easily throws my way could easily land him in BIG trouble if he ever directs it towards the wrong person (someone who doesn't know about his invisible illnesses). A big problem with always being the target of his aggression and constantly dealing with his verbal abuse is the fact that it causes my body to crash. For the next couple of days my blood sugars go crazy, my insomnia AND hypersomnia kick my ass, my chronic pain and fatigue come at me full force and it just takes me a hell of a lot longer to recuperate than it would the average mom. Fortunately, the last 2 days his behavior has greatly improved...I just never know how long the improvement will last, but I’ll take what I can get.
The 3rd reason this week has been rough is that, due to stress and fighting a head cold, I wasn’t able to get myself out of bed for longer than a few minutes at a time for 3 days straight! My husband was such a trooper in the mornings with taking the kids to school and my parents helped me out SO MUCH with picking them up after school and getting them fed. But as always, I still needed to get myself out of bed long enough to get their bags packed for school the next day, teeth brushed, medicine given and get them both in bed, which usually involves them arguing and fighting over something and dragging the whole bedtime “routine” on and on for much longer than my patience and body can handle.
Today was a good-ish day. I had an appointment with my new primary care physician this afternoon and it went better than I thought it would. After discussing the results of my bone scans in detail with him, and getting a “plan of action” put in place, I feel MUCH BETTER. We decided to stick with a “non-surgical” approach when it comes to any treatments for my back and overall joint pain. I will be starting physical therapy next Wednesday, and I will be seeing a therapist who specializes in bone health. He also prescribed a muscle relaxer for me to use on the days/nights when my pain and stiffness is at its worst. I feel confident that I will be able to find some more answers and more importantly, some long-term relief with this plan. March 18 I have an appointment with an Osteoporosis Specialist and my doctor said that she should be able to give us more answers as to possible reasons why I even have low bone density, old fractures of the spine and osteoporosis of the right hip. Well, I guess that is all for now. Next week, once I get my G6 transmitter, I'll be able to install the newest update to my pump called Control-IQ and I will explain what this VERY EXCITING update means for me and so many other diabetics.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
All my love and hope,
Sarah aka Hopeful Dreamer
Hope Quotes
“And sometimes
Against all odds,
Against all logic,
We still HOPE.”
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” -Desmond Tutu
“At the end of the day,
All you need is Hope and Strength.
Hope that it will get better, and
Strength to hold on until it does.”
“Once you choose Hope, anything is possible.” -Christopher Reeve
“Hope is not pretending that troubles don’t exist. It is the hope that they won’t last forever. That hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome. That we will be led out of the darkness and into the sunshine.”
“I am not an optimist, but a great believer in hope.” -Nelson Mandela
“Do not
Lose hope,
Please believe
That there are
A thousand
Beautiful things
Waiting for you.
Sunshine
Comes to all
Who feel rain.” -r.m. drake
“A single thread of hope is still a very powerful thing.”
“Pain is real. But so is Hope.”
“Hopeful Dreamer- Someone who remains hopeful and continues to dream of a better tomorrow, even when facing the darkest of days.” - Sarah Rozeboom
Saturday, February 1, 2020
Random Favorite Quotes pt.1
"The fact that you're struggling doesn't make you a burden. It doesn't make you unloveable or undesirable or undeserving of care. It doesn't make you too much or too sensitive or too needy. It makes you human. Everyone struggles. Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart. During these times, we aren't always easy to be around - and that's okay. No one is easy to be around one hundred percent of the time. Yes, you may sometimes be unpleasant or difficult. And, yes, you may sometimes do or say things that make the people around you feel helpless or sad. But those things aren't all of who you are and they certainly don't discount your worth as a human being. The truth is that you can be struggling and still be cared for. You can be less than perfect, and still be deserving of compassion and kindness."
-Daniell Koepke
"but darling
you are a river.
the rocks will
break you.
the valleys will bend you.
but you will never
stop.
because that is what you do.
you flow."
-Vinati
“A soul that carries empathy is a soul that has survived enormous pain.”
“Pray with Hope”
“In the end, she became more than what she expected. She became the journey, and like all journeys, she did not end, she simply changed directions and kept going.” - r.m. drake
“And perhaps
What made her beautiful
Was not her appearance,
Or what she achieved,
But in her love
And in her courage
And her audacity
To believe
No matter
The darkness
Around her,
Light ran wild
Within her,
And that was the way
She came alive,
And it showed up
In everything.”
- morgan harper nichols
I Think It’s Brave
I think it’s brave that you get up in the morning even if your soul is weary and your bones ache for a rest.
I think it’s brave that you keep on living even if you don’t know how to anymore.
I think it’s brave that you push away the waves rolling in every day and you decide to fight.
I know there are days when you feel like giving up but I think it’s brave that you never do.
- Lana Rafaela
Me and my girl Raven
E.R. visit 2019 - kidney infection
Cuddling with my BEAUTIFUL quilt my amazing tribe of friends had made for me ❤️
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