This week was difficult for various reasons. 1st my G6 transmitter (Continuous Glucose Monitoring System transmitter) died last weekend and of course my prescription for my CGM supplies expired last month so I’m “patiently” waiting for my medical supplier to reach my Endocrinologist to renew my prescriptions for the CGM supplies, AND insulin pump supplies. Sounds like it should be shipped out by Tuesday, but going nearly 2 weeks without it is definitely NOT ideal.
Another reason my week was difficult was due to my oldest son’s attitude towards me. He has various psychological/behavioral issues (ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Tourette’s and IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder)) but his angry outbursts and tantrums have ALWAYS been directed towards me, and the older he gets, the nastier his verbal abuse becomes. The beginning of the week was the worst. Every single evening and a couple mornings, he managed to drain me of ALL emotion, which in my opinion, is a worse feeling than being outright angry or sad. I was left a complete zombie. A shell of myself. I had no fight left in me and once again felt myself at a complete and utter loss over how my own son could call me such horrible names, and use words that NO mom should EVER hear directed at them from their own child. I’m always left feeling ashamed, feeling like I failed and feeling so completely alone. It’s hard asking for any advice or help from friends or family because, for the most part, they have NEVER witnessed this side of my child and there's no way any of them can relate or give advice on something like this. I’m ashamed and feel sick to my stomach to even repeat the things he says to me. It’s always a verbal outburst, with a slew of verbal threats that have NEVER been followed through. He doesn’t understand that the words he says really do hurt people and that the words and threats he so easily throws my way could easily land him in BIG trouble if he ever directs it towards the wrong person (someone who doesn't know about his invisible illnesses). A big problem with always being the target of his aggression and constantly dealing with his verbal abuse is the fact that it causes my body to crash. For the next couple of days my blood sugars go crazy, my insomnia AND hypersomnia kick my ass, my chronic pain and fatigue come at me full force and it just takes me a hell of a lot longer to recuperate than it would the average mom. Fortunately, the last 2 days his behavior has greatly improved...I just never know how long the improvement will last, but I’ll take what I can get.
The 3rd reason this week has been rough is that, due to stress and fighting a head cold, I wasn’t able to get myself out of bed for longer than a few minutes at a time for 3 days straight! My husband was such a trooper in the mornings with taking the kids to school and my parents helped me out SO MUCH with picking them up after school and getting them fed. But as always, I still needed to get myself out of bed long enough to get their bags packed for school the next day, teeth brushed, medicine given and get them both in bed, which usually involves them arguing and fighting over something and dragging the whole bedtime “routine” on and on for much longer than my patience and body can handle.
Today was a good-ish day. I had an appointment with my new primary care physician this afternoon and it went better than I thought it would. After discussing the results of my bone scans in detail with him, and getting a “plan of action” put in place, I feel MUCH BETTER. We decided to stick with a “non-surgical” approach when it comes to any treatments for my back and overall joint pain. I will be starting physical therapy next Wednesday, and I will be seeing a therapist who specializes in bone health. He also prescribed a muscle relaxer for me to use on the days/nights when my pain and stiffness is at its worst. I feel confident that I will be able to find some more answers and more importantly, some long-term relief with this plan. March 18 I have an appointment with an Osteoporosis Specialist and my doctor said that she should be able to give us more answers as to possible reasons why I even have low bone density, old fractures of the spine and osteoporosis of the right hip. Well, I guess that is all for now. Next week, once I get my G6 transmitter, I'll be able to install the newest update to my pump called Control-IQ and I will explain what this VERY EXCITING update means for me and so many other diabetics.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
All my love and hope,
Sarah aka Hopeful Dreamer
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