Redo - just a poem I wrote

REDO

Can I get a do over?

Today can go to hell

Can I try again tomorrow?

I’m just not doing well

Sorry I need to reschedule

Let’s try again real soon

Sorry it just won’t work today

Nothing works before noon

My body is so broken

My brain won’t let me sleep

I can’t explain each symptom

They all just run so deep

I don’t know when I’ll be able

Not sure when I’ll feel good

Cancelling and rescheduling

Second guessing if I should

I’m very unreliable

I’m always running late

Missing out on memories

Is what I truly hate

I never take for granted

The days that I feel able

Just wish that there were more

And I could feel more stable

Redos don’t exist

But each morning is a gift

A chance to make some memories

And give my soul a lift

-Sarah M Rozeboom

03/02/2020 (started)

03/17/2020 (finished)

COVID-19 March 21-23

Saturday, March 21, 2020

I’ve been feeling really off lately. I suffer from PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) and since I should be getting my period in the next 5-6 days I’m pretty certain that this is the reason why I’ve been so fatigued and depressed, on top of the normal PMS symptoms of cravings, feeling bloated and high blood sugars. Anyway, it obviously doesn’t help that we’re in the middle of the COVID-19 social distancing. The only positive thing about all of this is that I don’t have to constantly see what I’m missing out on every time I go on Facebook, because EVERYONE is going through this. Usually when I’m feeling so fatigued and unable to do much of anything except sleep, I’ll have to witness friends getting together, having fun with their kids/loved ones, going on vacations, etc.

I’m praying and thinking about every single person who is struggling right now, but especially those who suffer from various mental health issues and are having to go without therapy for the next month or so. The mind can play ugly tricks during times of high stress, so I can’t imagine what some people are experiencing at this moment.

Monday, March 23, 2020

First off I wanted to point out that Saturday’s post was put aside for one reason or another and I completely forgot to finish so I’m just putting today’s post with it.

This morning at 11am Gov. Whitmer issued the entire state of Michigan to stay-at-home. Only essential workers will continue to work, but even most of those workers will be limited/reduced. This will be issued through, at least, April 13. Many schools around the country have declared that they will be shut down for the remainder of the school year. What does that mean for our kids? Will they automatically move on to the next grade level if they’ve been doing well thus far or will there be tests that they will be made to take at some point to determine whether or not they will be able to pass their current grade? I’m not sure how to even feel about any of this right now. This is all happening so fast.

Here are some facts (mainly for myself and the boys to some day look back on and remember the COVID-19 crisis)

Global confirmed cases: 372,563

Total deaths: 16,381

Total recovered: 100,885

U.S. Confirmed Cases: 41,511

Total Deaths: 499

Unfortunately, there’s talk about how the worst of this virus is “just around the corner” and that doesn’t help the panic and hoarding people have been taking part in. I think I’ll end this post for today and once I can wrap my brain around everything that is happening right now a little better, then I will post again. Stay Safe. Stay Healthy. Stay HOME! We are in this TOGETHER! #AloneTogether #Unity #COVID19

Love and Hope,

Sarah aka Hopeful Dreamer

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

The world is a scary, stressful place right now. This COVID-19 virus has been challenging for SO many reasons. It has completely upturned the lives of EVERYONE, there is not one single person in the country that this virus has NOT affected. This social-distancing is somewhat easy for those of us who do it on the regular due to our chronic illnesses, but to do it for at least 3 weeks, with kids, is a completely different story. When I self-quarantine, it’s for a couple days, and I pretty much don’t leave my bed. It’s only, technically, day two of “homeschooling” and let's just say, there’s a reason I NEVER wanted to be a teacher nor have I EVER considered homeschooling. I’m horrible at keeping a routine and I’m not very organized (ask my mom if you don’t believe me). On top of the “homeschooling” I’ve been trying to stay on top of all our medical “stuff” like appointments that need to be cancelled and prescriptions that need renewals and refills. I’ve been put on hold more times than I can count, and have had to listen to the same pitchy “elevator music” over and over, day after day, just trying to get prescriptions renewed and appointments cancelled and if I’m lucky, rescheduled. 

I’ve become the “mean mom” and have had to turn away neighborhood friends, and tell my boys that they can play outside, but NOT with friends, only with each other...let me just say, they can rarely be in the same room without starting some sort of argument/fight, so I’m not surprised they have yet to play TOGETHER outside. I’m lucky enough to live a block away from my parent’s house, so Landon has been spending his time helping my dad and neighbor’s with yard work during the day and keeping busy over there while I try to do some “homeschooling” with Levi. Meanwhile, the stores are still running out of toilet paper, milk, meat, etc. The restaurants and bars have ALL banned customers from dining in, therefore the bars are completely closed but most restaurants are still offering delivery and curbside pick-up. As a parent of a child who is prone to severe, life-threatening respiratory infections and also as someone who happens to fall in the high-risk category due to multiple chronic illnesses, these extreme measures are actually A-OKAY with me. Unfortunately I had 5 very important appointments scheduled during the next 3 weeks and ALL of them have been cancelled, none of them are able to be rescheduled until further notice, so the waiting game continues. I pray that if we ALL work together and keep up the social-distancing as much as humanly possible, that we decrease the severity of this contagious virus that continues to kill and spread like wildfire. Wash your hands. Stay home. Wash your hands. Help those who are vulnerable. Wash your hands. Pray, send positive vibes and just keep hoping that we can contain and stop COVID-19 sooner rather than later. And for the love of all that is good STOP HOARDING TOILET PAPER!!!!

With Love and Hope always,

Sarah aka Hopeful Dreamer

Saturday, February 29, 2020

Happy Leap Year 2020! This week, although better than last week, still started off a bit rough. We never really know what Landon’s attitude will be in the mornings. He could be horrible the night before, and wake up just fine and ready for school, either way we’ve learned to just hope for the best but prepare ourselves for the worse. This coming Thursday we have his first appointment with a new psychologist/psychiatrist to start him on some much needed counseling. We have been through many different counselors/therapists in the past, and have yet to find the right one for Landon. My hope is that this one will be able to help Landon work through his various feelings and emotions and teach him ways to better control his reactions to the negative ones. I’m also praying hard that myself, Shawn, Levi, and my parents will ALL get guidance on how to help Landon and how to heal from the damage his negativity has created. There’s a lot riding on this appointment. 

Over this last month, I’ve come to realize just how hard it is to find help for parents/caregivers of teens with mental illness. There is just way too many waiting lists out there and when you have a child who is in crisis, the waiting is detrimental in more ways than one. The child and those who care for him and live with him suffer tremendously. It’s extremely disheartening to say the least, and the relationships within the family suffers so much. Thursday cannot come soon enough. 

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

Today I had an extra long, extra hard Physical Therapy appointment. I left sweaty, but I also left feeling incredibly accomplished. I’ve been able to do more in my hour long appointments than I ever thought I’d be able to do and my physical therapist, Meghan, has been AMAZING! For such a tiny, petite lady, she sure knows what she’s doing. I have one more month of physical therapy left, and I already know I’m going to miss it once I’m done. 

Tomorrow is the big day! At 1:00 pm Landon has his first appointment with Dr. Thomas, his new psychologist. I’m trying to get all my notes ready to bring along to this appointment so I don’t forget anything. There’s so many underlying issues with Landon that can easily be forgotten/overlooked at these types of appointments, but because they seem to all impact each other I don’t want to forget to fill him in on something that could potentially be important. Praying and hoping that the appointment goes well, and this doctor can help ALL of us heal.

Two weeks from today I have my appointment to meet with the Osteoporosis specialist and then the following week I have my appointment with the Orthopaedic specialist to help figure out what exactly is going on with my spine and hips. I’ve been warned that they will most likely want to order an MRI, along with some other testing, possibly a bone marrow biopsy and/or biopsy of the fluid around or in between the affected vertebrae. The MRI doesn’t sound bad, but the other testings sound like they could be pretty painful, but I’m ready and willing to undergo any tests if they could potentially give me answers. It’s going to be a very busy month packed with a lot of very crucial appointments for both myself and Landon. The sunshine and warmer weather is definitely a mood booster and I’m hoping it sticks around to help keep my mood and overall health boosted. *Fingers crossed* Hope these updates find you all doing well and staying healthy! 

Love and Hope,   Sarah aka Hopeful Dreamer