Today was, finally, a good day. I was able to shower, eat a meal, and stay out of bed. After a fun night out with friends on Saturday, my body took a couple of days to recuperate. Anyone with chronic pain and fatigue knows that even a simple evening out with friends, usually means you’ll have to set aside a couple of days to just rest. Everyone at the party complimented me on how I looked that night, but in all honesty, I was just proud of myself for making it out and getting a rare chance to hang out with my husband, and a bunch of our friends. Compliments have always been hard for me to take. I have no idea why, I mean they make me feel good about myself, but also guilty. Let me explain. The guilt comes from being able to look so healthy when in reality I’ve been anything but. It comes from a place inside of me that feels like a fraud. Obviously I wouldn’t go out in my pajamas but when I DO get a chance to make an appearance I go ALL OUT. I wear outfits that I might not have the chance to wear again in a long time, if ever, and I try to look put together, rather than a complete mess, like I usually am. My husband was amazing this weekend. I would catch him watching me throughout the party, subtly checking in on me without having to say anything. It was endearing to see this side of him that I very rarely see. I can’t thank my parents enough for watching the boys for the night so we could actually socialize with friends and get out of the house for once. It’s these little moments in life that makes me feel so incredibly blessed and so incredibly loved. I have such a beautiful and loving group of friends, an AMAZING husband and of course two of the most supportive and loving parents in the world!
This week I have to find a morning to go in and have some blood drawn for a couple different things. My Osteoporosis specialist wants a bunch of labs drawn before my initial appointment with her next month, my Endocrinologist needs some done and my Rheumatologist also wants some drawn. Of course I need to fast for a couple of them, which any diabetic knows is hard and depends on whether you have a low blood sugar during the night or early morning. Hopefully I can get them done tomorrow morning or the next so I won’t have to keep thinking about it. My hip and lower back keeps hurting me by the end of every day, and my bones, overall, seems to be extremely stiff in the mornings and crack very easy. I keep hearing that the next test they might want to have done is an MRI…unfortunately that means I’d have to remove my CGM and insulin pump for that test, but all things considered, that’s not so bad. If I want more answers I’m willing to undergo any tests they think might help. Sorry this post isn’t very exciting or anything, but maybe that’s a good thing. For anyone reading this, I hope you are feeling well today, and if not, I hope tomorrow will be kinder to you.
Love and Hope,
Sarah aka Hopeful Dreamer
Me and my husband, Shawn
My BEAUTIFUL friends
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