When you see me out in public
Or even on social media
You see only what I allow you to see.
I’ve become a pro at applying makeup
I know how to dress to impress
To look completely put together
To look healthy and pain-free
To mask it all with a smile
When you see me on those rare occasions
I had a moment, or day, if I’m lucky
Where I felt good enough to shower,
Good enough to put in the effort
Good enough to get out of bed
Good enough to capture a rare selfie
What you don’t see
And what I only allow my family to truly witness
Are the days when I can’t get out of bed
Days when I don’t have the energy to shower
Days when my pain is so high the only way to relieve it is sleep
Days when I can’t eat anything solid
Days when I have to shut myself in the bathroom
Days when the pain is so bad I become nauseous
Days when the nausea has me running to the bathroom to vomit
Days when my face is so pale it looks gray
Days when my skin develops itchy, painful, blotchy rashes
Days when I feel worthless and ugly
On those days I won’t post a selfie
I won’t be seen in public
I rely on my husband and parents for help
On those days I’m isolated and alone
I feel stuck and utterly exhausted
On those days I hold on to hope
I hope that tomorrow will be better
I hope that tomorrow I’ll be a better mom and wife
Every day I hope that morning brings less pain
Better blood sugar control and I’ll be able to get things done
I hope and pray that I’ll have more than just one good day
I hope and pray that the future holds more for me
And that there’s a reason for all this suffering
No comments:
Post a Comment